This Might Help us All

I’ve been trying to decide the best way I can help, in this time and place we find ourselves—with news cycles that feel painful and an online dialog that ratchets up anxiety and rancor by the second. Everyone seems to be shouting, or wanting to close their eyes and walk away.

As a friend recently wrote, “I’m fine as long as I don’t look at the news.”

Given all that, how can we stay grounded, how can we stay engaged, how can we help?

This situation is not going away, as much as I wish it were. And none of us can avoid the impact.

As the old saying goes: The only way out is through.

I’m speaking chiefly from my experience here in the US, but authoritarianism is on the rise worldwide. Climate collapse is starting to hit hard. You might not be seeing all the flooding news—especially not if you are in the US, where it gets little coverage—but it’s happening all over the world, and with increasing frequency and intensity.

We’re living through a tough chapter. I do believe that good will also come of this, if we are able to come together and work towards something better (our current systems are unsustainable and fairly crap), but we need to be able to take care of ourselves and others during this period.

I think it is time to tell you about the rocking thing I do.
Some of you have been asking about this for a while now.

This is not the sort of thing I usually write about, and it feels a bit vulnerable, so please bear with me. This has been a real game changer in my life—and for others as well. Maybe it will be for you too. (And a bonus, it takes only a few minutes).

Here’s how it happened.

Some years ago, I started doing a therapeutic journaling technique called Journal Speak, which was developed by Nichole Sachs to help surface and release deeply held emotions. But journaling is only part of the process.

The second part is what I call the “cool down.” After bringing up these intense emotions, you need to calm your body. So, the final ten minutes consists of doing something soothing—a guided meditation or music or something like that.

One day, as I listened to my guided meditation, I started rocking.

There, on my bed, curled in the fetal position, I drew a blanket around my shoulders as tightly as I could. Then, with the smallest motion of pressing my knees into the mattress, I was able to shift my body back and forth just about an inch or two. It was a tiny motion but the repetition of it felt so comforting—like a solace I had always wanted and rarely found.

I quickly realized that I had swaddled myself like a baby and was now rocking as if I were being soothed or put to bed by a parent or caretaker.

No wonder it felt so good.

I am sure this was hardwired into my system from birth, most likely from generations past. This is how we humans soothe our babies, this is how we can soothe ourselves.

I still do the swaddle rocking on occasion, but I think of it as the big guns—relied on in times of deeper need. Last year, however, I stumbled on something else that I do every day and has made a profound change in my life.

I have an old sports injury from my twenties that has never fully healed. Every once in a while, my lower back tweaks and gets angry. So, I try to give it extra care and attention.

One morning, while I was stretching, I pulled my knees to my chest while lying on my back and started rocking side to side. It felt good to have the pressure across my lower back, like a sort of massage. I kept doing it.

What I realized, over time, is that this rocking made me feel more present in my body, more grounded, calmer. I expanded the types of rocking and did it every day. And then twice a day—first thing in the morning and then again before bed. It only took 7 minutes, In a pinch, I could do it in 5 minutes; sometimes I stretched it to 20.

It made me feel better—and I could tell if I skipped it. On those days my sense of wellbeing was noticeably off.

It took me a while to understand that I had stumbled on a method of nervous system regulation.

At a friend’s house this summer, I sat in a hanging wooden chair in her garden and gently swung back and forth while she made a phone call. The rhythm of it was so similar to what I was doing at home, so soothing, it made me realize something.

Human lives were once filled with calming repetitive motions—rocking in chairs and knitting, shelling peas, whittling wood, weaving cloth, kneading bread—even just walking or riding a bike. All of these mundane tasks and handicrafts served to soothe us, to calm to our bodies and our days.

Now we live on keyboards and in cars, but that is not repetitive in the same way. It is not calming.

The only area this behavior continues is in the care of very young children. These days we buy glider chairs for babies to soothe them, we hold them to our bodies and sway back and forth. But often the glider chair is passed along when the baby becomes a toddler. The need for soothing, however, does not go away.

Right now nervous system regulation is becoming a hot topic in the personal growth field “Nervous system regulation is the new black,” I recently heard a teacher say.

It makes sense to me. As our lives and the news cycle become more hectic and destabilizing, we fall deeper and deeper in need of being grounded, keeping our center. This life we have built does not feel good.

I can sense it every time I am out and about. The drivers in traffic, the people in grocery stores—everyone seems like they are on a knife edge and one small thing might cause them to lose it in any number of ways.

There are, of course, other ways to regulate your nervous system. Some of these include breathing exercises, singing, movement, meditation, spending time in nature, and sleep. All of these are good, but I find this rocking thing to be the most reliable, non-time-intensive approach.

I do other things that calm the nervous system as well, but this feels like my ace in the hole. Rocking has become the foundation practice that supports all others.

I’ve even found myself using this principle in public—If I need to process a difficult emotion I can shift back and forth between my two feet. It keeps me feeling grounded. I sometimes think of all the high energy kids I’ve known—bouncing in their seats, feet or hands always tapping. Were they just trying to soothe their own dysregulated nervous systems?

I’ve written out instructions and included some links in case any of you want to give it a try. I’d love to hear how it goes for you. Certainly, in these times, we can use all the support and grounding we can get.

Feel free to ask any questions you might have in the comments. I’m happy to clarify, as needed.

Sending my very best,

—Tara

Disclaimer: obviously I am not a doctor and not on site to monitor your form, so listen to your own body and proceed cautiously. These are not exercises—not meant to be done quickly or to build muscle or work up a sweat. They are tiny movements, done slowly, and only if they do not cause pain or discomfort. Please heed your own limits and discontinue if anything feels off.

These are all meant to be performed on the floor—either on a carpet, exercise mat, or large towel (ideally large enough to fold in two).

• While lying on your back, bend your knees and bring them toward your chest. You can hook your fingers into the bend of your knees or put them over your kneecaps. With your knees elevated, slowly rock from side to side, moving your knees only about 10 inches. You should feel a slight, massage-like pressure across your lower back as you do. Rock back and forth 30 times

• While lying on your back, with knees bent and feet flat on the floor, push ever so slightly on your heels—the motion is tiny, about 1-2 inches, only enough to shift your upper body very slightly, but your back does not move on the floor. For a video demonstration of this, see here (the pertinent section starts at the 1 min mark). Repeat this 30 times.

• In the same position, with knees bent and feet flat on the floor, let your knees sway from side to side—again let the pressure massage your lower back. It’s about an 8 inch movement. Do 30 times, 15 on each side.

• With your knees bent and feet flat on the floor, a few inches apart, slowly let gravity pull your right knee down toward the side and then raise it back up again. Repeat on the left side and then alternate right and left and right again. No need to force or press the knee down, go as far as feels comfortable. Do 30 times, 15 on each side.

• With knees bent and feet flat on the floor, cross your right leg over the left knee at the ankle. Rock the crossed leg from side to side 30 times. Change legs and repeat the same motion 30 times on the left leg.

• I like to add a spinal twist—though be careful and gentle if this move is new to you. Do not push it! Here is a video of what it looks like.

• At the end, I do another 30 repetitions of the first exercise, with knees to the chest, rocking side to side.

This routine takes me about 7 minutes, though I sometimes extend it to 20 minutes or so, just because I find it relaxing. I hope you find it relaxing too.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’m happy to help anyone who wants to try.

I have another newsletter. It’s about fostering joy, self care, pleasure, and delight—because those of us grappling with hard stuff need to balance it out with FUN. Check it out. And if you sign up for a paid subscription here, shoot me a note and I’ll gift you a free subscription to enJOY, if you would like. This is all about walking a middle path: work and play, dark and light. Thanks for reading along.
My favorite post from the last month: How to build a neighborhood.