After the 2016 election, a friend of mine shared a story that changed everything for me. As soon as I read it, I knew it was true.
She told about a friend of her father’s, a spiritual man, who believes we choose the situations that happen to us—even the bad ones. (This is a fairly common belief in certain circles). It is the agreement each soul has made in order to learn and grow.
I know, this sounds woo-woo; bear with me.
In light of the 2016 Trump election, my friend asked, “Why do you think our country has chosen this painful reality we’re now living?”
This is what the man replied:
“The constitution is a beautiful document, but it was never based in reality. It was based in a lie.
“It promised certain freedoms and equalities—all while being written by wealthy land owners, slave owners, the elite and oppressors. It was never true, we just said it was.”
He went on:
“Our country never was a truly great country or a moral compass. We've had moments of greatness, but that’s all. So now we are living that truth, finally. We are working through the muck to an awakening where feminine energy will come back into power. The white man is breathing his last breath for dominance, clawing at everything to try and hold on. But the feminine energy is coming. I think even Donald Trump knows this on a very subconscious level, which is why he tries to subvert women.”
[If Donald Trump has been reelected by the time you read this, the clawing seems to be working, for now.]
I know—it’s super woo-woo. Even my friend said she wasn’t sure she believed it.
But in some strange way I could feel in my gut that it was true. And it’s this framing that has guided my choices ever since. What can I do to move things forward?
We are trying to redeem this country. We are trying to move closer to what we aspire to be. But there is a whole lot of truth telling that needs to happen on that journey. A whole lot of illusions to be shattered. A whole lot of destruction and rebuilding. A whole lot of coming together and learning. A whole lot of humbling.
It sounds overwhelming—and it sometimes is. But I like to remind myself that the white supremacist, homophobic, patriarchy was never going to die easy. (I've had the magnet below on my fridge for years, apparently I have been in training).
It is also revelatory work, it is rewarding, it is sobering, it can be full of grief, and it can also be joyful. Coming together with other good people to push for needed change may change your life, your community—and hopefully our country and world. We all need it.
I don’t know what will happen with this election, but it is clear the work goes on.
There are some who say it barely matters who wins—not in the biggest sense*. The American empire, as it has been, is drawing to a close. We’ve spoiled the planet. The world needs to change if we have any hope of long-term survival.
If Harris wins, a lot of people will feel that change has been achieved. We saw this with the Biden election—people felt it was safe to stop their activism and go back to having brunch.
If Trump wins, everyone who is not a white Christian man becomes the resistance. That is many things—unprecedented and scary—but it’s also a powerful force; we are legion.
Over the past seven years, I’ve come to believe that the way forward lies in supporting the communities and activism of marginalized people—in following and uplifting those voices; in standing with them. (Heck, just listening to them with respect would be a good start).
Those who have been marginalized, or placed lower on the pyramid of power, have a much clearer, wider view of how things are. (This is called Standpoint Theory.)
I am reminded of a friend who said, after Trump was elected in 2016, that her mother—a Pinay (Filipina)—was not surprised by the election, unlike so many people who were.
“I’m not surprised because I live in the REAL America,” she said.
Maybe it’s time for us all to meet the real America. Maybe it’s time for us to understand it, and grieve it, and work like heck to make it better. For everyone.
I’ll write more in the weeks to come, but for now here are my recommendations. It’s what I am doing.
• Find a way to connect with your local community.
• Find the people doing the work that needs to be done. There is so much of it, and many already working on it. (Join them; don’t try to start new orgs, they rarely last).
• Look out for those who are more vulnerable. (I wrote about this last week.)
• Listen to those who have much more experience in this. Think about how you can fit yourself in and help.
Help is what’s needed, regardless of who is (ostensibly) in charge.
In some ways the work will look different depending on the outcome of the election. In other ways, it is very much the same.
And if you want to start shattering illusions, this video series with Tim Wise is a good place to start. It’s from 2017, but every word is still valid. (It will also make it very clear why they demonize DEI). It’s just an overview, but he’s an engaging speaker and it’s very good. If there are teens in your family, it’s worth watching and discussing.
Sending my best. I hope you are finding ways to take care of yourself and your people through these unsteady times. We only get through it together.
—Tara
*In the long term, this is probably true; in the short term, it does make a difference. A Harris loss will bring a lot of pain I suspect this country is not fully prepared for.
I have another newsletter. It’s totally different—about fostering joy and self care and pleasure and delight—because those of us grappling with hard stuff need to balance it out with fun. You can check it out. And if you sign up for a paid subscription here, shoot me a note and I’ll gift you a complimentary subscription to enJOY. This is all about balance: work and play, dark and light.
Best graphic ever.